Imaginative Heart prt. 4

What is Face book, but a collection of friendships and family on the web? I used to find my life on Face book special until I really opened up about how my imagination worked. I love to write and imagine the details as real as they could be. When people read a book everything except for the story their reading vanishes. Simply the only thing visually occurring around them are the characters and the story being told. To some they are seeing action and to others they see lives drastically changed. I knew I wanted to be a writer when I created my first character. I named her Seria, a dragon inspired by the stories I read.

Over the years I have made so much progress. Has my journey been easy? No, not even in the slightest, but God had me where I needed to be. Making it to where I am now has been an accomplishment. Its so hard to believe it’s been ten years since I created my first Tulpa and well my imagination is nothing short than a gift from God. What a blessing it is to vanish from my surroundings where it can be total chaos to somewhere that has land almost as if it has been untouched. My home there is a cave with syfy and fantasy technology. I call this my wonderland.


Crash to pieces

I wanted to share my success with my friends on Facebook. When I opened up I did it as a praise report. A praise report is a report of something that God has done. I knew it was because of God that he gave me a way to overcome my problems with imagination. Very few people knew of the depth of my imagination, let alone the imaginary tulpas that lived there.

Unfortunately, people took it the wrong way and tried to convince me that I needed to do away with my imagination. They did not like the fact that they seemed real to me. The last thing my friends wanted was for me to be in danger of myself. Although they had good intentions the out come was not positive even in the least bit.

I think the worst part is seeing how my Face book friends divided against each other. Not everyone on my Face book thought that my characters posed harm to my mentality. On one hand I was happy to see that I had friends who saw this like I did. I overcame my problems in a very healthy manor of writing. At first it was just irritating, so I just brushed it off the other shoulder.

I went to my most trusted friends who I helped start a Face book group with. We created a group for Christian My Little Pony fans. We had encountered and solved many problems with our Face Book group. I knew if there was a solution to this issue it would be from those who I faced giants with. In our next meeting we had on Discord voice chat I presented my problem to the group.

The first person who responded was our head admin. He was the person that I looked up to like a mentor. He thought of my characters as if they were mental issues and that I was mentally unsound. He never called me crazy and he was very calm about it. It ended with me getting demoted from being an administrator of our Facebook Group.

I was really frustrated with everything that was going on, but I knew I needed a break. he said that this would be temporary. Before they dismissed me from the conversation they prayed for me. I was not exactly flattered with the prayer, but I was grateful that they prayed that God would do what is best for me.

Eventually my mother contacted me. One of her friends was concerned about my imagination. My mother wanted me to do away with it because no one understood anything about it. That is when I could not handle it anymore. I began to feel like everything I knew was wrong. Was what I knew for ten years mentally unsound?

I questioned whether my life meant anything at all. I thought about giving up my imaginary characters. I wondered what that would be like. How would I do it? I came to the conclusion that I would have to give up imagination entirely. I got really scared because I was up against the wall with this. I had them for so long I could not simply keep them from entering my mind. They are a part of who I am.

It was the most painful thing in my entire life. I began to question whether I should continue to live because I had nothing to live for. Then I had something come into my mind. It was very different from anything my characters have done. I knew who it was from how the presence felt. It was God and once I realized what was happening he said, “I have everything under control.” The storm of questions ended, and the emotional pain became manageable.

This was of course something like 2am in the morning. Before I fell asleep I sent my mother the longest text that I had ever written. Our relationship felt non-existent. I knew that my story was important. Whether my friends liked it or not I have made up my mind. All my creative writing uses my tulpas in some form.

The next morning, I had to make calls to let my teachers know what happened. I could not attend classes in the state I was in. I went ahead and told them the honest truth. I had a mental break down. If I was going to be crying again I wanted to be home for that. After making the calls I went back to bed.

After I fell asleep I got a call from my mother. She apologized to me and mentioned that dad was on a business trip. Needless to say he had no idea what was happening on Face book. He was a little aggravated that people were asking me to give up something that had benefited me. The way he put it: this is my security blanket. Never again will I put so much importance on my family or friends. The idolatry of my relationships came to an end.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s